(realignment week)
Oh boy… this week was an intense shift. You may remember from my week 3 recap that I explained I could feel a major opportunity to break out of the “need” cycle and into creation from pure desire.
My assessment was correct, but it’s unfolded in some unsuspecting ways…
Last weekend, I started to notice myself becoming quite paranoid. I was having nightmares and would wake up with raging anxiety with no clear origin: every time I tried to find the source it would shape-shift. Despite regulating myself to the best of my ability, I couldn’t quite shake this feeling.
This went on for several days leading up to my Notes From Future Self Workshop, which I’m now doing at the end of each month for those on my newsletter. If you’re not familiar with this process - this aspect of the story matters a lot. I’ll post some info at the bottom of this blog.
Without going into too much detail, essentially, at the end of the month, you write a few statements from the future version of you one month ahead. Then, when you open it at the end of the month, you get to see how everything shook out compared to your statements.
Whether the statements themselves “come true” or not isn’t the most important part, however… I do find that simply connecting to your future self and making the statements will begin to shift things around.
This is where things get interesting…
I think this will be best illustrated if I list out the exact series of events that unfolded.
I had terrible anxiety for some unknown reason.
I checked and cleared myself of any parasitic attachments that may have been causing this.
A few days later, I hosted the Notes From Future Self Workshop (October 31st).
One of my personal statements from the workshop was “yes, it’s happening.”
The next day, November 1st, I did some embodiment work and realized that October 27th was the anniversary of a car accident that changed the trajectory of my life (a forklift sliced through the roof of my car as I drove past a construction zone).
October 27th was also the anniversary of the beginning of my major mental health crisis in 2017. I consider October 27th to be “the day it started,” as that was when my stress vomiting began (this detail is important) and mental health became unmanageable without professional help.
During this same embodiment session, I received a text message which started a conflict.
A couple hours later, I did an emotional, facial massage/tension release.
That massage (along with everything else) triggered a migraine.
That migraine led to hours of relentless pain and vomiting bile.
During one of my dozen trips (literally) to the bathroom, I had this intense wave of awareness wash over me - it felt like a lifetime of emotional poison was leaving my body. It was… so similar to what happened in 2017.
While it wouldn’t be my first choice for how I would like to complete a 6 year cycle, it was complete nonetheless.
The following day, November 2nd, I was still coming out of the migraine haze, but there was a substantial emotional shift. There was absolutely no fear or anxiety in my body any longer. All of the scary stories I used to ruminate about seemed ridiculous - even impossible.
Then, my newfound fearlessness and fresh perspective led me to deeper honesty and clarity. That led to some aligned risk taking and boundary setting which shattered the perpetuation of old dynamics. That led to next level empowerment regarding my creatorship.
And even though I didn’t understand why a certain conflict emerged, I now realize it had to do with that one teeny tiny statement: “yes, it’s happening.” Had I not been presented with a certain conflict, I would not have had the opportunity to set a particular boundary which changes the trajectory of everything.
To be clear, I’m not saying that fear is no longer a part of my life, or that I don’t feel fear (that would not be good lol). It was a specific, contextual fear that transformed.
One of the things that I often say about APEX is that it will always surprise you. This is my 5th round and it still takes me for a ride.
How the pieces of our lives are being Divinely orchestrated and reorganized are not visible to the physical mind, but the important part is that you simply know that they are. It’s important that you not “call it too soon,” so you can see what’s on the other side.
The events of your life do not have any meaning aside from what you choose to project onto them. The more you get into the habit of assuming it is all for you, the more it will reveal itself to be for you.
While I definitely didn’t expect the events of this week to occur, one thing that I know for sure is that the effects will have a massive impact on the months and years to come. The more I do this, the more I’m able to see how the seeds of today will take on a life of their own sooner than I think.
It’s still blowing my mind that I’m only a little more than 1/2 way through APEX. The plasticity of time is more evident than ever…
Anyway, there’s more to come, so stay tuned!
xoxoxoxo